You know that feeling?
Where you just don’t know how you’re going to feel tomorrow? And it scares you because you could feel really, really sad?
I’m planning what I’m going to tell people tomorrow to make it seem like I’m looking on the bright side and am feeling okay.
I put on a brave face, but at the end of the day, I’m just so sad.
I really hope tomorrow won’t be this way. I really hope that if I fake happiness for a long enough time, I’ll actually just become happy.
Innocence left so suddenly.
Sometimes I miss the innocent person I used to be.
I used to judge people for partying. I used to judge people for hooking up with guys when they knew it would never be anything more than that. I used to judge people for sneaking out of their house, and sneaking around their parents.
Now, I barely have any respect left for myself. I find myself saying things like, “Maybe even if he stops liking me, we can at least be fuck buddies or something.”
I am constantly working around my parents to get to the places I need to be to make these types of things happen, and I’m not entirely opposed to sneaking out of the house. I understand it now.
When I reflect back, it’s kind of sad that I lost all my innocence in just a little over two months. Really, it doesn’t take much time to completely change and act out.
It doesn’t seem that bad though anymore, the things I used to judge people for. It doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person. It means they do what they need to do for them to feel happy or feel better.
I Dare You
To wear no makeup for a whole day. To bake brownies then eat them, as many as you want. To tell a bitch how you really feel. To laugh hysterically and not worry if your face looks stupid. To run around a field with your friends and just scream. To cry it all, let it out. To kiss your crush randomly. To speak your mind in class. Question the rules. For one day, I dare you to be 100% you.
It’s honestly scary to be in a relationship where you don’t trust them at all, but to avoid them getting mad, you just pretend like you do anyways.
Singing along to my iPod wondering why the fuck I don’t have an album yet.
You wish he didn’t know so many girls because you’re afraid to lose him to one of them. You wish he wasn’t so attractive because you’re afraid you might have to compete with other girls for him. You wish he hadn’t been with other girls before you, because you’re afraid his old feelings might come back for one of them. You wish he didn’t talk to so many girls, because you’re afraid he’ll slowly lose feelings for you as his interest for another girl grows the more they talk. You wish other girls would respect your relationship with him, but you know, some bitches don’t really care and aren’t considering how hurt you would be if you were to lose him.
I know how you feel, girl.
I’ve learned that you can never get both. You always have to pick one. It never gets easier, really, because you’ll always wonder about what you left behind.
I know that I smile and laugh all the time. But the truth is, the past few months have been the hardest and most painful of my entire life. I sit here every day wondering why it seems like everyone else gets what they want and I am put to the side.